wellness

Are Your Goals Too Big?

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A big pattern in my life is whenever I find myself starting again. As per usual, I’d lost motivation, fallen off track, and ended up heavier and sicker than I was before I started. It was a miserable feeling, but I wasn’t ever ready to fully give up.

Whenever that happened, I’d sit down to do the only thing I’d ever known to do - plan a way out.

My goal was always clear since I was a kid - I needed to lose weight. A LOT of weight…. at one point it was about 180 lbs worth. More importantly, I needed to do it quickly before my illness completely took over.

Now tell me that’s not a lot of pressure!

I drew up a plan, but it made me feel queasy. I’d never been able to keep to one before and the worse I felt physically, the harder I knew this would be.

Then again, no one has ever said it’d be easy.

So I’d set out, bursting with motivation and drive, and I’d totally crush it… for a few months. As soon as something stressful happened or a relapse hit, I’d completely falter and allow my success to crumble. I’d allow my old habits to come back.

I was frustrated, sure, but once I became aware of the pattern, it made me realize something huge…. this goal of mine, while very real and necessary, felt far too big for me to focus on. I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to lose that much weight and even if I could, the vision felt soooooo far away. I used to give myself SUCH a hard time about not being strong enough to just finally freaking do it already, but it turns out, my failures weren’t about my abilities at all.

In fact, it was my expectations that were getting in the way. It was my focus on this gigantic end goal that I wasn’t really sure I could reach.

Should You Have Goals?

Now, I’m not going to tell you NOT to have goals. In fact, I highly think you should not only set goals, but I think you should spend time figuring out why you want it.

What will hitting that goal give you? Maybe you want to lose weight to attract a partner so you can fall in love or you want to eat well to manage your cholesterol so you can be healthy to play with your kids when they’re older.

Once you know the real reason behind the goal, then you can start to create real ACTIONABLE goals that you can understand and relate to.

Why Do Big Goals Set Us Up For Failure

When you’re dieting, notice what you’re thinking about. I’ll give you a moment….

Okay, let’s be real… you’re thinking about FOOD. Of course you are! And when you’re thinking about food, what do you want to do? EAT.

What you’re thinking about is what you’re paying attention to. That’s what you’re giving your energy to and if it isn’t serving you, it’s screwing you up.

So how does this play into big goals? Well, when you have a big goal, it generally takes a little while to get to the end. You have to put in some serious energy, commitment, and time into this project and if you’re only thinking about the end goal, you’ll probably lose your motivation along the way. You start to think about how much you really really really want that goal and get frustrated that it’s taking so long. That’s the moment where everything starts to get all messed up.

If you start thinking about how you don’t have what you want, it attaches pain to the process. You get annoyed with going to the gym and eating well because they’re things you’re only doing to hit a goal and if you haven’t reached it, frustration is bound to take over.

So What Can You Do?

Ok, so obviously I understand how infuriating this situation can feel because the goal never goes away. Even when you’re trying to lose weight and you say “FORGET IT” and eat an entire sleeve of Oreos… you know in your heart that you’ll have to get back on the wagon soon because that goal is never going to disappear.

I’ve been trying to lose weight since I was 8 years old and through trial and error, weight loss and weight gain, I finally understand what blocks most of us and how to overcome.

That giant goal is adding PRESSURE onto your mind and do you know what happens when a container has too much pressure? It pops! Popping can come in the form of a meltdown, a binge, or even giving up entirely (for a few months or so).

The way to escape that problem is by setting up SMALL and REALISTIC goals that you can understand. Ones that you can feel and visualize with ease.

Instead of setting out to lose 180 lbs, set out to lose 10.

Instead of trying to heal your illness, set out to minimize one symptom.

Instead of trying to run a marathon, set out to run for a minute straight.

Instead of trying to overhaul your entire diet, set out to eat a healthy breakfast each day.

Instead of trying to meditate for 30 minutes, 2x/day, try 5 minutes, 1x/day.

Do you see the difference?

Once you have the smaller goal, focus on it.

Visualize it.

Create a plan to hit THAT goal… and then once you do… create another.

You see, you don’t have ONE big goal… you actually have a bunch of small goals that altogether make this giant change. You don’t have to be at your end goal tomorrow, so why are you even thinking about it? You know the goal and you’re putting in the time and energy to build a strong foundation that will lead you exactly where you want to go.

The desire to hit your goals isn’t going anywhere, so do yourself a favor and let go of the pressure to get there ASAP. No one cares about how many times you fail… but they’ll care about how well you succeed. Show them that it’s possible, one tiny goal at a time.

How To Heal: Essential Oils with Jodi Dwyer

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This week, I met with Jodi Dwyer, a very passionate Young Living EO representative, to discuss essential oils! We talked about why essential oils have so many benefits, how the body absorbs them, the importance of oil purity, and how to use essential oils to get the best benefits!. Warning... you may spend your entire paycheck on oils after this interview!! Enjoy! 

Carolyn: Hey Jodi! I'm SO excited to connect today to talk about essential oils! I've been following you on Facebook and I'm pumped to have you share your knowledge with us. So please - go ahead and introduce yourself!

Jodi: Thanks, Carolyn! Hi, I'm Jodi Dwyer. A Boston gal, MS advocate, travel enthusiast, Young Living essential oil educator, oncology social worker and sangria fanatic!

Carolyn: Hahah, I love it! How did you first get involved with essential oils? 

Jodi: I followed a blogger for about a year and she shared a lot about her lifestyle with Young Living Essential Oils. I was always intrigued but skeptical. Then a real life friend shared about them and she is a no nonsense kind of girl, so I knew then that Young Living was the real deal and reached out to her with some questions. She got me started with Young Living's Premium Starter Kit and the rest is history.

Carolyn: It always helps to know someone in person who can back up your intuition! I'm happy you had that friend! So, what has been your personal experience with oils over the years? 

Jodi: I've been using Young Living Essential Oils for over 3.5 years and my overall experience has been exceptional. I share about them because I've had such positive results with living a healthier life and want others to have similar experiences. I have more energy, sleep more restfully, feel more balanced emotionally and just feel better overall. 

Carolyn: I was really impressed at how much essential oils balanced my mood! I know they have a bunch of benefits, can you tell me what some of the main benefits of essential oils are? Why should we use them? 

Jodi: Oh yeah, there's a lot! Essential oils are the most powerful part of the plant. Many provide support for every body system: skeletal, muscular, circulatory, endocrine, hormones, respiratory and immune system. 

Tests have shown that they reach the heart, liver, and thyroid in 3 seconds when inhaled. They were found in the bloodstream in 26 seconds when applied topically. Expulsion of essential oils takes 3/6 hours in a normal, healthy body. 

Carolyn: Oh wow, that's so interesting! So it helps a little bit of everything. How do you know if you're getting a quality product?

Jodi: It's really important to use essential oils that are pure. You get what you pay for and not all essential oils are created equal! I trust Young Living due to their Seed to Seal process (http://seedtoseal.com/en). They are the global leader in essential oils and have been in business for almost 25 years. I was able to visit the Mona Farm in Utah this past September and it was a fascinating experience. I saw the process first hand, met the farmers, talked to the scientists and even planted some seeds!

Using essential oils to support our body just makes sense - they have been used since biblical times and worked for 15th century thieves to avoid the plague while robbing from bodies of the death and dying! Authentic essential oils are 100% pure with no added synthetics which means no toxic ingredients. 

Carolyn: Makes sense to me! There are so many different kinds of oils and blends, sometimes I get a little overwhelmed. What is a good way for someone to get started if they don't know what oils to buy? 

Jodi: Good question! I felt overwhelmed when I started too but I had a great teacher who showed me the ropes. Additionally, there are many reliable resources out there that I shared with my members and I'm there to teach and guide them as much as needed. I started my oils journey with Young Living's Premium Starter Kit. It includes 11 bottles of oils (the most popular) to help you get started along with a diffuser and other samples. It is sold for half the price of its value and if you are like me you like knowing you are getting the best deal! 

Becoming a "wholesale member" with Young Living is similar to getting a Costco membership. It simply allows you to purchase future oils/products for a discounted price but their is no obligation to purchase again or sell! 

I also teach classes both online and in person so if you are more of a hands on learner don't worry. We'll set something up that works for your style! I could talk about oils for hours so you'd never be bothering me as you're learning!

Carolyn: Clearly you feel very passionate about Young Living! How did you get started with your company? What drew you to work for them? 

Jodi: When looking into different brands of essential oils, I did a lot of research. I don't want to put crap on my body!  I was drawn to Young Living's Seed to Seal process. They are the oldest essential oil company in the world so they must be doing something right. Their transparency is like no other company's and to me that just felt right. The more I learn about their global mission work and how much they give back to the community the more impressed I am with not only their products but their generosity.

But I NEVER intended to "sell" essential oils or work for a MLM company. I had such amazing benefits from the oils and products that I couldn't help but share with my friends and then these oils sold themselves. Next thing I knew I was doing the business and loving it! Anyone who knows me knows that I would never share about a product that I didn't love just to make a buck. It is not about that for me. I try to be as authentic as I can be. Ask me anything! 

Seeing how many friend's lives have been positively impacted by Young Living blows me away. I continue to work this business because I love helping people. I'm also an oncology social worker so my life revolves around helping people both professional and personally. I love the balance of these two jobs and how I get to use different skills and expertise for each but also find so much overlap too!

Carolyn: I'm so happy that you've found something that aligns with your personal mission. It truly is a gift to share different ways to heal that can positively affect people's lives! Tell me more about your classes.

Jodi: I teach classes, both online and in person. I teach the most basic class, "Intro to Essential Oils" most frequently but also teach more specific topics like removing toxic products from your home, using oils "in the bedroom" (if you catch my drift), supplements, oils and emotions, oils and pets, etc. 

Carolyn: Oh yeah, I didn't even think about cleaning products! Why is it important to clean with oils instead of store-bought cleaners?

Jodi: Store bought cleaners are filled with a lot of harmful chemicals. Even the "cleaner" options are often "green washed." These products are disrupting our hormones, endocrine system, and leading to many health issues like asthma, cancer, learning issues, etc. It is scary stuff! I always say "know better do better." If you know something is bad for you then try to do better. Make small changes in your home and I promise you'll start to feel better! 

Carolyn: Sweet! And what advice would you give someone who’s just beginning to learn about the power of essential oils?

Jodi: If you are just starting out I would strongly recommend that you do your research. Choose a company that you trust. Purity is the most important thing. If you've tried cheap oils in the past and they didn't work it is likely because they were not pure. Let's chat! I'm happy to teach you more.  

That being said, I am not a doctor and the information found here is not in any way meant to take the place of professional medical advice. This is for education purposes only based on opinions and facts that I have found to be true in my own experience and with research. Please consult your doctor before using essential oils if you have any questions about your medical situation. 

Carolyn: Awesome, thanks for being so open! I'm sure people will want to connect with you, Where can they find you?    

Jodi: If you would like to chat more please feel reach to reach out by email, text - 617- 420 - 8551, or on my website

Interviews by Carolyn from Without The Weight, Inc. are meant to share all the different options available to heal your mind, body, and spirit from a holistic lens. Any advice or recommendations are meant to work as complementary therapies alongside any treatment provided by your medical practitioner and are not suggested as a replacement for medical care.

How To Heal: Energy and Shamanism with Dave Eyerman

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This week I connected with Dave Eyerman from Clear and Now Healing to dive into the world of energy and shamanism. I specifically wanted to reach out to Dave because I think there’s a gap in the health and wellness world when it comes to understanding energy work, a method that has contributed to healing for centuries, and I want to bring some awareness to those methods through this interview. 

Carolyn: Hi Dave, thanks for connecting with me today! I always like to start with basic introductions, so, tell me a little about yourself. How did you get involved in Holistic coaching? 

Dave: Pleasure to connect! I’ve been a coach, healer, and teacher my whole life. When I was a kid, I ran for student council in elementary school on a platform that focused on just wanting to make things better. Then, when I was older, I was a high school teacher and loved it. I was good at teaching, but I really liked working with kids 1:1. That clicked with me much more and my wife suggested I go to acupuncture school. I was going through treatment at the time and it was really helpful for me but I didn't know if I wanted to go for it. The short version of the story is that I said no at first but that when I said yes I loved it! 

Carolyn: That's so awesome! I love how life will direct you exactly where you need to be, even if you don't realize it. How did energy work come into play? 

Dave: Well, I added my own stuff over the years like energy work and shamanism but they all kinda layer together. I use them all as tools to an end. Yes, I’m an acupuncturist and a shamanic practitioner but really, I'm a life coach. I help people grow and get clear on who they are so they can live a rich, happy, life. When people come to me and ask if acupuncture is the only way, I say no. There are so many options and it’s really how you use those tools that matters. 

Carolyn: That's the whole point of writing these posts, to let people know that there are SO MANY options to find better health, healing, and happiness. I know you offer both coaching and classes, can you tell me a little bit about your programs? 

Dave: Sure! I teach a few different types. I teach reiki and the other classes are things I've developed myself. For example, I just taught a boundaries class for empaths. I developed these classes as a way to heal myself, but I learned how much they resonate with others. When it comes to empaths, most of us over help. We say yes when we should say no. We help at the expense of ourselves, and while empathy is good and helping is good, we want to do it in a boundary appropriate way. There are issues that are underlying and come from being an empath without boundaries. 

Carolyn: That's what the journey is all about, right? Learning how to navigate the route and then helping others along the same path! 

Dave: Exactly. And this class gives you actionable tools to take with you. We look at why we over care and some techniques to come to a better understand of a way to be healthy with it. I want people to know how to use these concepts so it's all about learning and reflecting. The second half of the class is about just being sensitive to other people's energy. You can take on the energy of the people around you and we go over the how's and why’s that that happens and better boundaries around that. So that’s one class that I teach…. 

Carolyn: Sounds fascinating! What do you want people to take away from working with you?

Dave: The basic aim of my life coaching is to help people live a fuller, richer life. Most commonly people will reach out to me because of stress and anxiety but usually, that points me to something different. How you respond to external pressure shows me more about what’s going on with you. I work with clients to help them move through this. I help them consider how they can become more free from themselves. I call myself a Personal Freedom Advocate. Who we are at our core is whole and complete but all the shit that happens in life layers on top and blocks us from accessing that beautiful truth. I work with clients to help them move those things away so they can reconnect with their truest self. 

Carolyn: Ummm, that sounds incredible! How do you do that? By teaching alternative coaching methods? 

Dave: Actually, I usually don’t teach coping mechanisms. Instead, I like to help clients follow their train of thought to discover the root of where the stress is coming from. If you don’t argue with your anxiety, you can work with it and use it to understand what's really going on under the surface. It’s not about trying to meet your anxiety where it’s at, it’s about clearing out those under-the-surface thoughts and beliefs. What happens is, over time, some of those issues will just go away as you work with the underlying negative thoughts. It happens with practice. 

Carolyn: Speaking my language, my friend! Ok, so let's talk about energy! For the people who have no clue what shamanism is, can you break down how it works?

Dave: Oh yes, shamanism is mankind's oldest spirituality and medicine. It’s built on a couple fundamental principles, taking in all aspects of who you are:

1. Everything is connected. Everything is a relationship. There are many native tribes that don’t have a word for object, so everything is a being, So you’re always in relationship. It brings into focus how you relate in a balanced and honorable way to all beings, and everything then becomes an ally. 

2. Everything is a being. 

3. All beings have a spirit. 

4. All beings are a manifestation of Spirit. Truly, you are Spirit manifesting as a being, just as everything else is. 

A shaman is one who has been trained to connect with the spirits of these beings. I am not a shaman, and I don't think I will never call myself a shaman. That is a community-appointed title, not a self-appointed one. I do shamanic work and use shamanic techniques as part of my healing practice, but I don't call myself a shaman. 

Carolyn: The idea that everything is connected was a really difficult concept for me to grasp for a long time, but now, it all makes so much sense. And what about energy work?

Dave: We know energy. We know what it's like to have a lot of energy. We know what its like to feel low on energy. When we have a lot of energy, we are clear headed, bright eyed, more positive. Low energy is lethargic, etc. If you told someone you’re having a low energy day, they’d get it. So I describe it on that level. In order to get more energy, we need to eat well, sleep well, eat good foods, we know that. All those are active processes, things we have to do in order to get more energy. Receiving Reiki or other energy work is like filling up your gas tank without having to do anything active. And then your body’s natural wisdom knows how to heal itself. If you break your arm, the cast doesn’t heal you, its just protecting it so your body can do its work. 

Carolyn: So, it’s about relaxing the body so it can heal itself. Right?

Dave: You've got it!

Carolyn: I believe that to my core. So tell me, who would benefit from this type of work?

Dave: People who know there's something more to life than what they’re experiencing. Have you ever had the feeling that something is missing? You may not know what that thing is, but something just isn't satisfying or there's some deeper discontent, and I like to help guide people to discovering what that is and incorporating that into their life.  

Carolyn: That's me, for sure, and so many other people I know. What a gift to give such clarity to people! Tell me, what does a class with you look like? What should people expect? 

Dave: To start, usually we do some introductory material to get acquainted. Classes are always a combo of lecture, discussion, and practice because I want everyone to have tools to walk away with. A good teacher is valued based on what students can do on their own after the class is over. I give students the freedom to ask questions and open a discussion in a formally informal setting. It's a casual atmosphere. I wear jeans, I curse, and I try to be as grounded as I can in my presentation. I want to give a hands on approach with tools in a relaxed setting. 

Carolyn: I bet that takes away a lot of nervous tension! What benefits have your clients seen from working on this with you? 

Dave: People have told me it’s been life changing, but you get out of it what you put in. If people are looking to me to fix their problems, they’re staying in disempowerment. When you're working with me, you're making an investment in yourself, a commitment to yourself. When people are invested in the work, they can get to another level of understanding themselves. If people want to change their lives, absolutely this is the place. If you want to become fully alive, more fully who they are, this is the place to do it. 

Carolyn: That's a powerful statement and so true. You get out what you put in! Ugh, I'm so inspired by this interview and I'm sure a lot of other people will be too! Where can people find you? 

Dave: On the web! Find me on my website and my Facebook!

Carolyn: Awesome!! Thank you SO MUCH for meeting with me and sharing some of your knowledge, this was absolutely fascinating!

Dave: It's my pleasure! Thanks for having me!

Interviews by Carolyn from Without The Weight, Inc. are meant to share all the different options available to heal your mind, body, and spirit from a holistic lens. Any advice or recommendations are meant to work as complementary therapies alongside any treatment provided by your medical practitioner and are not suggested as a replacement for medical care.

How To Follow Up On Good Advice

Louise Hay is a hero of mine. 

If you don't know who she is, Louise Hay is a motivational author who wrote the bestselling book: You Can Heal Your Life, and she is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. She was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer and healed herself by using a combination of physical, mental, and emotional exercises to understand, overcome, and let go of issues from her childhood. 

I told you... absolutely AH-MAY-ZING! 

I watched this video awhile ago and connected on so many different levels, but when the video was over, I just turned off my computer and didn't put anything into practice. 

And if you're anything like me - you'll think about it, maybe even talk about it, but you struggle to put it to practice. It's weird but I see this happening all the time. We hear great advice that we KNOW we should take, but we continually do the same things over and over again that don't serve to benefit who we are or where we want to go. It's bizarre. 

But I realized, maybe the reason we don't take on the good advice is because it's too much change all at once. Maybe, asking us to adopt 10 new rules for success feels overwhelming. If that’s the case, it’s really the best case scenario because it's easy to work with overwhelming things... you just have to minimize them until they feel doable. 

Every action comes from a thought first. Louise Hay would be the first person to tell you that, but when we overload our mind, we feel too burdened to actually take action.

Don’t make things heavy for yourself. Watch this video and choose 1 thing to change. Work on that and then, once it feels simple, add another.

Before you know it, you’ll be living all 10 and walking in the footsteps of the truly brilliant, Ms. Louise Hay.

With love & light,

Carolyn Kaufman

Resources To Manage Stress and MS

The only thing more stressful than the diagnosis itself is dealing with the symptoms.

MS is a really tough disease that can feel impossible to navigate, but I want to let you know that you have control of the ship and there are so many treatment options available to find relief!

When I first started on the MS path, I thought the only thing I could do was take my medication and “try to stress less”. I had NO IDEA what it meant to stress less (isn’t it a part of life to be stressed?), how to do it, and nothing gave me more stress than taking the medication itself.

I started with injections and I hated it, every single time. I just wanted my disease to go away, but instead, it seemed to get more fierce with each passing day. Everything felt out of control and I didn’t know how to feel grounded again. I needed help and felt completely lost.

That’s why I decided to write this post today. It took me YEARS after diagnosis to reach out for help… but once I did, I was AMAZED at how much is available for MS patients. Non profits like the National MS Society and MS Focus (these are just two of the heavy hitters but there are many small organizations as well) are working day and night to improve the lives of MS patients and I couldn’t be more grateful for all they offer. For example, MS Focus helps to relieve stress with grants for everything from Health and Wellness Programs, Homecare Assistance, Healthcare Assistance, and more!

If you have MS or are affected by a loved one with the diagnosis, use these resources. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Reach out to these networks for support and they’ll gladly direct you to relief…. and that’s what matters more than anything. YOUR RELIEF.

Happy healing,

Carolyn Rachel